Now you Have to Even it Out
by Emilongbottom99
Summary: "You just, you need to stop being so guilty all the time. Riley, we're not doing anything wrong." He said it softly, but all I responded with was, "Now you have to even it out." /A Rucas oneshot during the period of time when Maya and Riley were both Lucas's 'girlfriends', and being fair was key, but Lucas does something that's not so fair with Riley.


**A/N: This takes place maybe somewhere before Girl Meets Ski Lodge (just at some point before Rucas get together) Also I bumped the ages up a bit so Riley is 16 and Lucas is 17 and they are sophomores. The Rucaya triangle is still happening during this time and in this version, the triangle has been going on for over a year. This is in the POV of Riley and this is a rucas one-shot**

I'm just, tired.

Being constantly stuck in a limbo between torn and conflicted for over a year will do that to someone.

It wasn't anyone's fault. At least I don't think so.

You can't help how you feel.

But part of me just wished that Maya didn't like Lucas.

Or that _I_ didn't like Lucas.

Or that Lucas didn't like either of us.

Then maybe I wouldn't be so tired all the time.

It's exhausting when you have to watch your crush "even it out" time and time again because he glanced at you one way, or he smiled at her another way.

At first I was okay with it because it meant that Maya was okay.

I find myself in a constant state of relief and pain.

Pain because this triangle is hurting both me _and_ my best friend, but relief because at least the triangle is fair and at the end of the day, keeping Maya in my life is all that really matters.

But now, after a year of this in between state, I just want it all to stop.

I can feel myself deteriorating each time Lucas says something sweet to me, making me feel so special, and knowing that he will eventually have to do the same thing to my best friend, or maybe he already had, but now he was evening it up to be fair to me.

And it's not like I can turn to my mother for help, she's been pretty preoccupied with attending to my best friend instead of her own daughter.

Sometimes I talk to my uncle Josh about it, but I can tell that he is resenting the situation even more than I am.

I think I've given him a new reason to be weary about Lucas and Maya, which isn't a good thing in Maya's case. So I've stopped.

So not only am I tired of balancing the triangle and school, but now I am truly alone.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXO

I'm still tired when I get up the next day to go to school.

This year, I only have one class with Maya. Not only do I wish she were here with me, but I'm also relieved with her amount of absence.

Maya and I only have one class with Lucas as well (the same class) so that makes things more bearable. The less interaction the three of us have, the better.

It's not until in between classes that Lucas catches up with me. His hand is on my shoulder and I already know who it is before I turn around.

"Riley."

"Hey, Lucas."

My hand plays with the pink fray on the shoulder of my backpack as I look up at him. He doesn't normally stop me in the hallway.

My automatic polite-smile doesn't quite reach my eyes.

I brush my hair from my face as the students rush past us to get to their classes.

Something about Lucas's perfect grin and the way his eyes crinkles unsettles me and I struggle to maintain eye contact, because I know, that at one point he will have to repeat that same sincere grin to Maya.

He seems to finally remember why he stopped me in the first place and takes a half step forwards. I instinctively step back, but my slight discomfort goes unnoticed by Lucas.

"Hey so I was wondering if I could come over tonight. I have a really important Chem test and I was wondering if we could have some sort of study session?"

His smile never falters, but my polite smile wanes slightly.

"Oh Lucas—I mean I really would but my parents and Auggie are going to be out of town for tonight. I only have to stay at home because I have homework. What about Farkle? Can't he help you study?"

Lucas's smile hasn't left his face yet and I'm wondering what I'm missing. He laughs a little to himself.

"Believe me, I wouldn't be asking you this if I couldn't just study at Farkle's. I've uh, tried a few times actually and let's just say that Farkle isn't the best tutor. I would much rather have someone like you who won't yell at me and call me an "intellectual inferior" when I get something wrong."-Pause-"Are you sure your parents wouldn't just let me stay over tonight for a few hours? I really need this Riley, my Chem grade isn't the best _and_ you got straight A's in Chem last semester."

I sighed because it would be extremely un-Riley of me to deny my friend, or 'boyfriend' assistance.

But lately, I've been feeling more and more unlike the old Riley.

That fact still doesn't stop the sigh and confirmation from leaving my mouth.

"Fine, I'll see what my parents will say."

And of course they'll say yes.

Because they know that both kids are responsible, and Cory and Topanga aren't the type to say no to helping someone.

Lucas's smile gets even brighter to the point where I find myself squinting slightly in order to focus more clearly on his face.

"Thanks so much Riley."

And then just like that, he's sprinted away to class leaving me in a partially windswept state.

An unenthusiastic "Yeah" leaving my lips, far after he's disappeared into a classroom.

And that's how I ended up home alone with just Lucas on a Thursday night.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

I was already sitting on the couch with my Chemistry 2 binder splayed across my lap before I heard a knock on the front door.

I somewhat leap upwards, clumsily catching my footing before lunging at the door, my long high-pony tail swishing against the back of my neck.

I quickly compose myself, taking a deep breath and sticking my hand in the front pocket of my jean overalls before opening the door.

There he was. In all his green eyed, bright smile and blue shirted glory.

I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"Welcome, Lucas."

I inwardly cringed at how lame and weird I sounded but Lucas only chuckled as he stepped around me and set his bag on the sofa.

I found myself openly staring at Lucas before his soft eyes met mine, causing me to clear my throat awkwardly.

"So uh, do you want any water?"

"Sure."

My bare feet quickly skidded across the family room and into the kitchen to get water. I didn't know why, but my heart was beating so fast.

This was the first time I've been alone with a boy at night.

I tried to ignore the sound of my blood rushing and my heart thumping as I readied two glasses of water from the faucet.

By the time I shakily made it back to the couch, cautiously holding the two glasses of water, Lucas had already started with the first Chemistry question, somewhat taking me off guard.

And all nervousness after that was gone, because encouraging Tutor-Riley had come out—a persona that had been taken on many times for helping Maya with schoolwork.

I was sitting a comfortable distance away from Lucas; close enough so that I could see the work on his lap, but far enough so that I wouldn't get distracted from the fluttering in my stomach from our proximity.

We even started joking around a bit as time went on, though I still made a point of not making any eye contact with him.

Even still, I hadn't felt so relaxed and at ease in a while.

But eventually, my Riley-like tendencies got the better of me. I started noticing the way that Lucas would sometimes purposefully nudge my shoulder a little when he talked about how good of a tutor I was, or how he _actually_ laughed at many of my lame Chemistry puns.

And then the guilt was back, and the fake smile was back.

And the thinking about what Maya would think was back.

And Lucas noticed.

His bright smile finally faded when I halfheartedly laughed at one of his quips.

My eyes had been focused on the pencil tapping against the paper in Lucas's large fingers and it wasn't until the tapping stopped when I finally looked up to meet familiar tired eyes, just to quickly avoid his gaze again.

"Riley, don't be like this."

And I was more surprised than he was by his words because he actually called me out on my behavior.

He spoke again when all I did was feign innocence, because yes I did know what he meant, but I wasn't about to let him know that.

"You just, you need to stop being so guilty all the time. Riley, we're not doing anything wrong. You're just being a good person by helping me with school work."

My eyes stared adamantly at the pencil resting on the paper in his lap.

My throat was burning.

I couldn't say anything.

I didn't want to say anything.

Because I knew he was right, we weren't doing anything wrong, but I still couldn't stop thinking about Maya.

And then I felt his warm fingers tilt my chin upwards.

And then a lump formed in my throat when I heard, "Look at me."

My will finally resolved and I eventually brought myself to look into his eyes for the first time the entire night.

I heard the familiar steady and rapid thumping of my heart in my ears, when I took into account beautiful the golden specks that colored Lucas's eyes.

He was beautiful.

And I was somewhat shaken out of my trance when I heard his soft voice break through the silence again.

"We're not doing anything wrong."

But there was something else in his voice.

It was more… _husky_ than the last time he spoke, and I couldn't help but notice the way his eyes had slowly flickered to my lips.

His stare was like cackling electricity in my ears. I've never seen Lucas this focused or smoldering.

My chest was rising and falling quickly and I sucked in a deep breath to speak, but I barely got a word in before his lips were on mine.

His lips were scorching hot, yet soft—a strange combination that left me breathless nevertheless.

It only took two seconds for his tongue to slip through my lips, causing me to gasp slightly.

I had never been kissed this way.

 _Ever_.

I guess I was in a bit of a state of shock, but was soon knocked out of it once I felt his other hand come up to cup the side of my face.

I quickly turned my head to the side, away from his lips, _my_ version of pushing him off of me.

But Lucas seemed to think that was somewhat of a good sign because instead of fleeing the scene, he proceeded to kiss along the side of my neck, which was _extremely_ uncharacteristic of the Lucas I knew.

I couldn't help the way my hands started shaking when Lucas's diligent sucking on my neck continued.

Every part of my body was screaming at me to push him off of me, but I couldn't bring myself to.

Not when it felt this good.

Especially when he buried his nose in the crook of my neck and bit down on the skin at my color bone, soothing the bruise with soft strokes of his tongue.

I couldn't help the soft gasping and sighing that escaped my mouth with each kiss and suck of Lucas's lips on my skin.

It felt wrong.

It was wrong.

This is wrong; was the only thought running through my head as I finally found my will to shove Lucas's body off of mine.

Lucas's eyes were locked on mine in a state of slight shock and confusion, his lips red and swollen.

The first words that came out of my mouth were, "What about Maya?"

I stared mesmerized as Lucas's Adam's apple bobbed in his neck before he spoke.

"I'm not going to do this with Maya."

He said the words in a calm but cautious tone, but it was enough to hit me like a ton of bricks.

"But—but now you have to even it out with Maya."

I spluttered the words out like I couldn't get them out of my system fast enough.

Lucas's eyes dropped from mine and I could tell he felt guilty.

Now, _now_ we were on the same page.

"But what if I don't want to even it out with Maya."

Well being on the same page just flew out the window.

I didn't know what to say to that.

I sat there trying to gather my thoughts, not looking at Lucas.

I settled on avoiding Lucas's expectant gaze and fiddling with the fray on the knee of my jeans.

I felt like crying.

I felt like screaming at him because now as if the whole triangle situation couldn't have possibly gotten worse _, it got worse_.

The last thing I heard him say before he left me in my state of unwavering avoidance was, "I don't regret this Riley. I haven't done anything like this with Maya and I don't plan to. But if you want to pretend like this never happened, then I won't blame you."

And I still stared even when I heard him gather his things and leave out the door.

It wasn't until my fingers became sore with rope burn from over excessively playing with the fray of my jeans when I finally stood up from my position on the couch.

I hated him.

I hated Maya.

And I'm not sure if I've ever felt this way about anyone, but I was sure feeling this way now.

Because now I was in this position where not only could I not tell anyone, but I had to deal with knowing that Lucas liked me more than my best friend.

I _really_ hated him.

But I also loved him.

And I loved him enough to pretend like nothing happened the next day.

And I loved Maya enough to pretended like nothing happened the next day.

And the next.

And the day after that.

And even when Lucas got his grade back from Chem, I still congratulated him on his A like a good 'girlfriend', completely in character, and watched as Maya congratulated him like a good 'girlfriend'.

And even now, I ignore the way Lucas has taken on the habit of staring at me for a beat too long without evening it out with Maya, because I had decided that things were going to be normal and fair whether Lucas wanted it that way or not.


End file.
